Being a maker - 2015 wrap up

"Be truthful, one would say, and the result is bound to be amazingly interesting."
-Virginia Woolf "A Room of One's Own"

I have struggled with what is has meant to me to be an artist/maker and have an artistic voice my entire adult life. I have never felt like the 'artist' label fit me. I didn't think i was making things to make a statement (i later discovered that even when i thought i wasn't saying anything, i was) and i didn't feel like i had the skill level to call myself anything more than a dabbler. It was much easier when i was a child and the 'artist' label didn't have all the societal baggage that it does, although, even when i was little i knew that growing up to be an artist wasn't something i should aspire towards. It was somehow lesser. And i am still working through the mine field of self-worth, cultural worth, and 'productive member of society' definition that comes with all that- this post is about part of that journey.

For many years, i was afraid to make the things in saw in my mind and doodled in my books. They were weird, different, technically difficult or nonsense to wear. Even after being obsessed with haute couture for quite some time, i never thought that *i* could get away with making something like that. I struggled in my art classes at college because i always scaled it back, made it useful/wearable/relatable/normal/safe. I didn't have these grand 'meanings' behind my work. I didn't explore like many of my class mates. I kept things small, rigid and for a while, lacking in any artistic life.

Looking at my photography portfolio, the further i progressed in my studies, the worse my photos got. And looking back, that is because i wasn't being honest in my work. I was taking the photos i thought i should take, or the teacher thought i should take- not the ones i wanted to take. I was learning metal smithing techniques at this time as well, but the supplies and tools were pricey, and i was mostly self taught, so i was also playing it small and safe and trying to make things i thought would sell, instead of things i thought were awesome. I look back on my first jewelry piece that i made 'just because' with a mix of embarrassment and pride. Pride that i finally did something just because and embarrassment because it took so long and it was so bad. lol.

This year, thanks to the years of support from a very patient and encouraging partner combined with the influence of a very wonderful and dear artist friend, i have started pretty much exclusively making what i *want* to make- marketability be damned. :) And i was surprised at the overwhelming positive response from people purchasing my jewelry. There was a truth to my work- no artsy fartsy philosophical stuff (that i could never get into when i was in school, which also made me feel like a fraudulent artist), just me, the metal and the tools making something that captures a moment- whether that's how i felt about the song on the iPod, the weather or just me enjoying a new hammer.

I've also started selling my 'experiment' pieces, and they've been flying off to new homes. Previously, they would have been tucked away in a drawer or in a box, forgotten as i refined a technique, looked for better tools to do said technique, or set it aside as a failure for not 'being perfect'. I think people respond well to the lack of perfection. I'm not a goldsmith making shiny, traditional rings with a mirror finish and diamonds. I'm an art jeweler- making fun, funky and statement pieces from copper, silver, gemstones, pebbles, driftwood, rusted bits and vintage stuff. my perfection is found in the imperfection and individuality.

Now- that doesn't give me license to be sloppy, but it also means that i should not be spending 2 hours hand polishing a $20 pair of copper earrings to absolute perfection. Because then, they're not perfect anymore- they look manufactured and overworked and that's a huge turn-off.

I am looking forward to 2016 as the year i really come into my own. I have a cohesive line of jewelry and art now- when it's all spread out at a show, it flows. My displays, my work, me.. we are all in harmony. I'm also looking forward to getting back into photography. I pulled out my old portfolio and actually sold two pieces this month to someone who really wanted them. I'm going to be setting up the dark room and adding traditional B&W photos to my offerings- i haven't decided if i'm going to create a separate Etsy shop or just add them in for now. I'd like to work on incorporating some of the photos into reliquary style jewelry and into my larger wall pieces- i'm working on some ideas- look for in-progress blog posts next year. :)